The Relationship Difference by Rommel Anacan - The Relationship Difference | Rommel Anacan | Relationship, Communication, Success, Leadership Blog

How you would you handle a stage four cancer diagnosis?

4/5/2016

Not long ago, I met with a group of people when someone revealed to us…

“I was just diagnosed with stage four cancer.”

The air in the room immediately deflated. While I do not know this person very well, I still sat there in shock-as did other people in the group. I couldn’t believe it. While I am not a medical expert, I do know enough about cancer to know that a stage four cancer diagnosis is not good.

What struck me the most about what he shared with us though wasn’t necessarily the news itself-which obviously was jarring and sobering, it was the message behind it.

Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

As he talked he displayed a courage and strength that moved me and inspired me.

Why Are You the Way You Are?

3/16/2016

Since the start of this “Winning With People” series I’ve talked about the different communication and relational styles (languages) that we all “speak.” I still find it amazing how different we all are, and how differently we all see the world. No wonder connecting with people can be so messy, frustrating, maddening and confusing!!

That is why I have made it my life’s work to help people connect more effectively with each other, because I believe that connection is the key to success.

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are?

Understanding Relational Styles: Are You Emmet from The Lego Movie?

3/15/2016

Did you watch The Lego Movie? (Can you tell I have a child?) The central character in The Lego Movie is a guy named Emmet. And Emmet is the perfect example of the third relational style that Karen Horney (whose work has inspired my thinking on how we relate to one another) would call “Moving Towards People.” I call it “The Pleaser.”

In this scene from The Lego Movie, a group of construction workers (Emmet among them) are leaving the work site. They all are trying to figure out what to do after work, and Emmet tries to work his way in somehow.

Making Money Is Not Always About Making Money

3/2/2016

I wanted to share with you a story of a great customer service experience I recently had with a man named Bill Moore of Softcomm Industries. I am a member of Civil Air Patrol, and as a aircrew member trainee, I wanted to stop using the aviation headsets that are in our planes and used by different people, and wanted to have a set of my own. (This thought came to me somewhere at 3,500 feet when I wondered “Who else has been using these? And did they clean them??”)

I found a headset, that was perfect for my situation, on eBay at a good price and was very excited when it arrived in the mail. My excitement was tempered a little when I realized that there were no cushion pads on the ear covers, just the covers themselves. After wearing them for a bit it was clear that they could really use the foam cushions! Wah-wah.

Understanding Relational Styles | The Avoider

2/23/2016

I have a confession to make … while I make a living speaking to thousands of adoring, screaming, hysterical crowds all around the country (okay, maybe that is a slight exaggeration), I have to give myself a pep talk every time I walk into a room full of people I don’t know!

It’s true!

While I consider myself a “people person” (which would probably be good for a guy who brands himself as “The Connection Expert), the truth is I like to describe myself as an “Extroverted Introvert.” While I like being around people, I also need distance, privacy and space…and when the situation doesn’t require me to fill the room with personality, I’m content blending into the background.

Understanding Relational Styles | "The Hammer"

2/16/2016

When I was a community manager there was a person who headed up our construction team that always seemed to rub me the wrong way. He would come into my office and start to tell me all the things he was going to do, the schedule he was going to pursue and how much it was going to cost against my budget … all without my input.

At the beginning of my relationship with him, I constantly felt bulldozed by him, by what he wanted to do, what he felt we should do and what he expected me to do, and I did NOT like the feeling! At. All.

This person, who I’ll call, “Chuck,” is a classic example of what psychologist Karen Horney (whose work on relational styles has greatly inspired my thoughts on how we connect with one other) would call someone whose dominant relational style is to “Move Against People.”

Super Bowl 50 Observations: The Case For Adversity

2/8/2016

The Carolina Panthers were THE team to beat in the 2015-2016 NFL season. Their offense was number one in the league in points scored (31.2 per game), their defense was ranked sixth in points allowed per game (19.2), their quarterback, Cam Newton was the league's Most Valuable Player and Offensive Player of the Year and the team cruised to a 15-1 record.

Most pundits chose the Panthers to defeat the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl 50-and this game was touted and hyped (oh, the HYPE!) into a battle between the "old guard," Peyton Manning, and the "new face of the league" Cam Newton, with Newton and the new school Panthers primed to shove "chicken parm that tastes so good" into the face of the Broncos and (perennial TV pitchman) Manning. These Panthers were too good. They were so good that it was too easy for them this year.

And maybe that was the problem ... it was too easy.

What's Your Communication Style? Recap

2/3/2016

Recently we have been learning about the two main styles that people use when communicating with one another. If your words are your words, if you say what you mean and mean what you say, then you’re probably a Direct Communicator. If on the other hand your communication is not found in the words you use, but in your expressions, body language, and tone of voice, then you’re probably an Indirect Communicator.

These two different languages of communication that we speak is part of the reason why it can be so difficult to understand other people, and to be understood!

Think about it-an Indirect Communicator really needs the people around him/her to read the non-verbal signs of what s/he is trying to communicate-which can be HUGELY frustrating for Direct Communicators, whose natural tendency is to rely on words and words alone!

What is your communication style? Understanding Indirect Communicators

1/27/2016

In my research I believe there are two distinct communication styles that people have. Last time we talked about the Direct Communicators.

Direct Communicators are people who “Say what they mean-and mean what they say!” You will typically know what a DC is trying to communicate to you because there is no ambiguity or lack of clarity in their communication style. Direct Communicators say “My words are my words!”

Lucy Van Pelt from the Peanuts comic strip is a great example of a Direct Communicator!

Photo Credit: Peanuts Worldwide LLC

What is your communication style? Are you a Direct Communicator?

1/19/2016

I was having lunch at an Applebee’s with a friend of mine not too long ago when he said something to the waiter that absolutely mortified me and made me cringe. I was in disbelief when he said what he said and I couldn’t believe that he actually said it-and I told him so too! He simply looked at me and gave me the “So, what?” look and laughed.

I laughed too. If anything magnified the difference between our two communication styles, it was this moment at Applebee’s when the waiter asked us, “So…how was your food?”

My friend looked at the waiter and said, “I’m sorry, but I just wasn’t that impressed with this. It had no flavor. I thought it was going to be a lot better and it wasn’t.”

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