I'll admit, one of my biggest pet peeves are people who will not accept responsibility for their actions. Throughout my career I've encountered so many people who feel the world revolves around them and that everyone (and their mothers) need to accommodate their needs, wants and desires.

I remember "helping" one such person many years ago when I was managing a large residential asset in Colorado. His credit application was denied due to a bankruptcy and because his credit record since the BK was very negative. He decided to try a co-applicant who had worse credit than he did, therefore, the credit denial stood.

He told me that he thought it was ridiculous that he was declined, blamed our company for our policies and that he couldn't believe that we wouldn't approve him. He attempted to explain the reasons for his extremely negative credit report and he kept insisting that the only bad thing was his "old" bankruptcy and that things were much better since then. Which, according to the information that we have about his history, is completely not true!

In addition, he mentioned to one of team members that he also had a criminal conviction. According to him this was a "minor" thing that was motivated because the local police was "bored" and decided to target him one day. In his perception, his arrest and subsequent conviction, was therefore also not his fault.

So, I was kind of irritated already...and I also wanted to let him know that he wasn't denied for no reason and I explained the realities of his situation to him. I thought it would be helpful if he knew the truth of his situation so that he would be prepared for the potentially tough road ahead as he tries to find an apartment.

He was not receptive to my "help"! In fact, the more I spoke, the more defensive he got and the more he was not listening to what I was trying to explain to him. In fact at one point he said to me, "Sir, out of respect to me, will you please stop trying to make me feel better and explain everything." 

He sarcastically shook my hand and as he walked away, he muttered "this is ridiculous" and walked out the door.

In relationships, we all have have been in situations like this haven't we? There are so many times when we feel we need to respond, explain, defend, and respond, defend and explain again. Our motivations may be like mine, which was ostensibly to help my customer understand the reality of his situation...but it was also motivated by the fact that I was irritated at his "it's not may fault" mentality.

To be honest, nothing I would have said to him would have changed the outcome. I probably should have apologized that we couldn't assist further and simply allowed him to leave believing that we tried our best, and with a modicum of pride. 

I suppose there would have been no harm in allowing him to feel we were the "bad" guys...and to feel better about himself. I tried to help and it didn't really help. I should have stayed quiet. 


In life and in relationships, sometimes you can do more, by doing less can't you?