Have you ever had those moments when you remember something that you’ve said or done, and you suddenly feel VERY embarrassed for yourself, to yourself? I had one of those recently as I remembered a time, many years ago, when I tried speaking “Espanol” in an El Pollo Loco restaurant-and it didn’t go well. At. All.

Let me give you some background….I took two years of high school Spanish when I went to school in California and did pretty well. (Thanks Sra. Menzies!) After I graduated from high school I moved back to my hometown of Honolulu, Hawaii, and over night, I realized that Spanish was NOT a valuable commodity. 

You see, I worked in a retail store at that time and because Hawaii has such a large volume of tourists from Japan, understanding the Japanese language is hugely helpful …. and necessary! So, over time I learned enough Japanese to get by in a retail environment and could actually hold my own (well, kind of) in a conversation. 

Okay…now back to El Pollo Loco:

My pants are a little tight, right now. While I’d love to feign ignorance, I know the reason why … I enjoyed the Christmas season immensely and I may have had one or two extra cookies … a day, since Thanksgiving and now, I must face the fact that those cookies and treats have left their impact on my waistline.

So now, I’ve made a New Year’s resolution to lose five pounds or so through eating healthier and beginning an exercise program. (BTW: I am drinking a veggie/fruit smoothie as I write this!) My guess is that you have your own resolutions too, right? 

In addition to your current resolutions, I’d like to propose that you and I go on a journey together throughout 2016.  A journey that will positively impact every part of your life, if you choose to walk this path with me. It’s a journey to improve the quality of the relationships in our life in 2016.

As many of you know, I am a Hallmark Christmas movie junkie! I admit it … I love them! I know they’re VERY predictable and corny and often times awfully acted, but there is just something in these movies, and in many Christmas movies in general that just tugs at my heart. 

What’s interesting to me is that while the commercials that play during these movies tell you that Christmas happiness is found if you …

I am sitting in a coffee shop right now, in the midst of the Christmas season, and I am left wondering to myself…what the heck happened to people? The baristas have their best “Witch Faces” on; I tried smiling at a few people and NONE of them smiled back; I’ve had a few people stare at me funny (which, I suppose I should be used to) and I’m thinking it’s because I have a Santa hat on-or that I tried smiling at them. Who knows in SoCal?

Maybe it’s because I have watched about 20 too many Hallmark Christmas movies this year, but if there is a time of year when we’re supposed to be friendlier and nicer to each other, isn’t it supposed to be this one? 

Where are YOU on the list?

How many of you have “Elf on the Shelf”? How many of you have used the magic of the elves to maintain order in your home? Your son only wants to eat Cheez-Its for dinner?? You point to the elf and BOOM-suddenly brussels sprouts sound delicious! Your daughter doesn’t want to clean her room-point to the elf and it’s like Mary Poppins showed up! 

Let me ask you this-how many of you know an adult who wouldn’t pass the Elf test? 

Are YOU on Santa’s naughty list? 

We tell our kids not to “pout, shout or cry” and then how many of us do these very things doing the course of our days? (I include myself in this list, BTW!)

The Starbucks near my home is open on Christmas Day and the part of me that hates everything being commercialized during the Holidays doesn’t like it. Yet the part of me that says that it provides people, who might not have someone to be with during Christmas Day, with an instant community of people to connect with does at least understand the appeal. 
Except…why do I picture everyone at their tables-alone-all surfing the Net on phones, tablets or computers; everyone with headphones on (especially those Bose noise-canceling ones that eliminate any trace of life around you) doing their own thing, and no one actually connecting. 

What Can You Do?

Connect with people! Smile! Ask people questions and listen to the answers. Take the extra two minutes at the coffee machine at work to let someone know you appreciate them-the emails will still be there when you get back to your desk. 

Take the “I’m a jerk!” face off when helping someone who asks you a question-even if it’s stupid! Before you fire off a tirade telling your “friends” on Facebook that you’re going to UNFRIEND them because they disagree with your point of view, pause and think if that’s what you really want to do! 

There was a great story recently of a bunch of people who “paid it forward” at a McDonalds and paid for the meal of the people behind them-and I love the story and think we need to keep doing those kinds of things!
But, imagine if you also “paid it forward” with the people in your lives everyday. What about if you truly connected and helped people feel connected to you? 
What could happen?
​

When I first became a leasing agent, many years ago, I found myself consistently struggling to get any kind of real traction on the phone. I had call after call where I would look down on my guest card and see notes like this:

Harold-one bedroom, cocker spaniel

I discovered that while being friendly on the phone was easy, consistently obtaining the information I needed from a customer was not. I had many guest cards that were accidentally “lost” because I was so embarrassed to show them to my managers. As I moved on to other management, training and corporate roles I realized that I wasn’t the only one who kept making the same mistake that derailed many calls before they ever got going.

So what is the mistake?

Last night, Caitlyn Jenner (formerly Bruce Jenner-but you already knew that!) received the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at the ESPY Awards by ESPN. As you have probably noticed on your Facebook feed, the response to Jenner’s award has been heated and divided between two camps:

• Those who believe that Jenner did indeed show courage by announcing to the world her intention to transition from Bruce to Caitlyn. 
• Those who think that saying Jenner has “courage” is an insult to people like the military, law enforcement, firefighters etc. who put their lives on the line every day. 

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Success is NOT a destination…it’s the journey.” 

Yet, if I’m honest, for much of my life whenever I’ve heard someone say this I’ve thought …

• “If success is the journey, and I’m on the journey, why do I still feel so unsuccessful.
• Why can’t I pay my rent? 
• Why haven’t I gotten the promotion? 
• Why do I feel like a loser? 
• When is it my turn?”

Have you ever thought, “I’ll be a success when…”

I make more money.

People like my pictures on Facebook. 

I find “the one.”

I buy my first luxury car.

I get the promotion.

My kid becomes a doctor.

I'll admit, one of my biggest pet peeves are people who will not accept responsibility for their actions. Throughout my career I've encountered so many people who feel the world revolves around them and that everyone (and their mothers) need to accommodate their needs, wants and desires.

I remember "helping" one such person many years ago when I was managing a large residential asset in Colorado. His credit application was denied due to a bankruptcy and because his credit record since the BK was very negative. He decided to try a co-applicant who had worse credit than he did, therefore, the credit denial stood.

He told me that he thought it was ridiculous that he was declined, blamed our company for our policies and that he couldn't believe that we wouldn't approve him. He attempted to explain the reasons for his extremely negative credit report and he kept insisting that the only bad thing was his "old" bankruptcy and that things were much better since then. Which, according to the information that we have about his history, is completely not true!

In addition, he mentioned to one of team members that he also had a criminal conviction. According to him this was a "minor" thing that was motivated because the local police was "bored" and decided to target him one day. In his perception, his arrest and subsequent conviction, was therefore also not his fault.

So, I was kind of irritated already...and I also wanted to let him know that he wasn't denied for no reason and I explained the realities of his situation to him. I thought it would be helpful if he knew the truth of his situation so that he would be prepared for the potentially tough road ahead as he tries to find an apartment.

He was not receptive to my "help"! In fact, the more I spoke, the more defensive he got and the more he was not listening to what I was trying to explain to him. In fact at one point he said to me, "Sir, out of respect to me, will you please stop trying to make me feel better and explain everything." 

He sarcastically shook my hand and as he walked away, he muttered "this is ridiculous" and walked out the door.

In relationships, we all have have been in situations like this haven't we? There are so many times when we feel we need to respond, explain, defend, and respond, defend and explain again. Our motivations may be like mine, which was ostensibly to help my customer understand the reality of his situation...but it was also motivated by the fact that I was irritated at his "it's not may fault" mentality.

To be honest, nothing I would have said to him would have changed the outcome. I probably should have apologized that we couldn't assist further and simply allowed him to leave believing that we tried our best, and with a modicum of pride. 

I suppose there would have been no harm in allowing him to feel we were the "bad" guys...and to feel better about himself. I tried to help and it didn't really help. I should have stayed quiet. 


In life and in relationships, sometimes you can do more, by doing less can't you?

I know it may sound weird and different to some of you reading this, but if I am honest, I feel the most confident and “professional” when wearing a blazer, collared shirt, dark blue jeans and dress shoes. In business situations that do not require my wearing a suit, the blazer/jeans combo is my “go to outfit.” In fact as I write this post I am sitting at O’Hare Airport in Chicago, heading back home from a speaking engagement on the East Coast and, yes, I am wearing my preferred outfit!

So you can imagine my excitement when I was in Denver for a speaking engagement and I ran into a few colleagues that I used to work with when I lived in Colorado and they told me that the company changed it’s dress code since I worked there. The new dress code? 

Yep, you guessed it….blazers/jackets and dark blue jeans. 

The associates told me how they asked the leadership of the company to consider the change, how the leadership said “yes!” and how excited they all were about it. 

Now, some of you just had a conniption (is that how you spell it??) thinking about your people sitting behind their desks NOT in suits or traditional “business attire,” but in jeans! And I can understand why you might have some heartburn just thinking about it. 

BTW: This isn’t about jeans!

I don’t want you to get stuck on the issue of jeans, because really the “big picture” idea of this goes beyond jeans! 

The three main points I want you to takeaway from this post are:

1. The powerful message that was communicated to employees when the leadership of the company took the time to listen to the suggestion to change the dress code.
2. The willingness of the company to take a risk (and a change like this always poses a risk!) 
3. The positive impact of a company culture that encourages people to be vulnerable, take a risk and suggest an idea that may not be well-received. 

So, jeans may not work for your corporate culture and/or your resident profile and that’s okay! I’m not advocating that you change your dress code, or that traditional business dress is something that you should move away from. After all I wear suits for all of my speaking engagements because I know that is what my clients expect from me. But, for my previous company the reorientation of the dress code made perfect sense, considering their company culture, resident demographic and geographic location. 

And again the point is, the leaders of the company thought enough of their people to listen and consider their ideas and then to implement it as well. 

What kind of effect do you think that would have on an organization for associates at every level to know their listened to, that the environment is safe enough that they can take risks and that their ideas will be evaluated and given a “fair shake?” 

It’s powerful!!