A modified version of this blog post was originally published for a marriage ministry blog in 2008.
I was driving my car over the weekend and my eyes glanced up at the oil change reminder sticker. I realized that it's been more than six months since I last changed my oil and I know that if I want to keep my car running for a long time, I should probably do that soon.
Image Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Preventive maintenance is critical to the overall health of our cars, isn't it? Unfortunately we often tend to remember this when we need it the most-when the tire is flat, or when the windshield wiper fluid tank is empty, when the brakes start to squeak, or when the transmission sounds like a can being dragged behind a bike.
Cars are not the only things that need preventative maintenance and tune ups...so do relationships!
Cars are not the only things that need preventative maintenance and tune ups...so do relationships!
My wife and I recently had a discussion that was what I call one of our "marriage tune ups." In the tune ups, she tells me her uncensored thoughts on things and I tell her mine. I'll admit, I don't always like the tune ups when they're happening!
I tend to get defensive at first and will often resist what my wife is telling me. However, once I get past the defensive stage and see past what my wife is trying to say, I admit that I do learn a lot. I know that she means the best for me and I appreciate that she is able to tell me her thoughts and feelings...even if I don't always like it.
The most important thing with our marriage tune up discussions is that we get an opportunity to discover what isn't working, so that we can change it...and also to reinforce what is working, so that we can continue doing those things.
I'll admit, I still don't always "get" or understand some of the ways she sees things and I know for a fact that she often feels the same way! Yet, I realize after these tune ups that I don't always have to understand why or how she sees things. I don't always have to agree-and she doesn't have to agree with me. We just need to validate each other's unique point of view and perspective and then strive to do the things we know make the other person feel loved, valued and cared for.
Cars are complex creations aren't they? There are so many working parts and so many things that go wrong. This is why it is so important to stay on top of the little things, before they become big things. The same is true in our relationships, isn't it?
What do you do to "tune-up" your relationships?
I tend to get defensive at first and will often resist what my wife is telling me. However, once I get past the defensive stage and see past what my wife is trying to say, I admit that I do learn a lot. I know that she means the best for me and I appreciate that she is able to tell me her thoughts and feelings...even if I don't always like it.
The most important thing with our marriage tune up discussions is that we get an opportunity to discover what isn't working, so that we can change it...and also to reinforce what is working, so that we can continue doing those things.
I'll admit, I still don't always "get" or understand some of the ways she sees things and I know for a fact that she often feels the same way! Yet, I realize after these tune ups that I don't always have to understand why or how she sees things. I don't always have to agree-and she doesn't have to agree with me. We just need to validate each other's unique point of view and perspective and then strive to do the things we know make the other person feel loved, valued and cared for.
Cars are complex creations aren't they? There are so many working parts and so many things that go wrong. This is why it is so important to stay on top of the little things, before they become big things. The same is true in our relationships, isn't it?
What do you do to "tune-up" your relationships?
