A couple of months ago my wife, daughter and I stayed with my wife’s parents, off and on, at a vacation house they rented in the San Diego area. This house is massive and beautiful! The home was also quirky. It is a custom designed home that seemed tailored for the specific needs of the family who owned it; so there were many things that seemed a little weird. After that first night we all found ourselves fixated on the home’s flaws.
Image Credit: NBC Saturday Night Live
There was the not real user friendly kitchen. The way sound echoed throughout the house. The small closets in the secondary bedrooms. The ‘funky’ layout that inhibited privacy. As one person mentioned something “wrong”, we would all mention something else wrong, and the negativity would grow. Seems all any of us could see was what was wrong with the home and it made the experience kind of a downer.
Then something changed-my wife and I returned home for a week before going back to the vacation house, and when I returned my perspective changed. While the quirks were still there, I chose to focus on the positives of the home and wow!, were there a LOT of positives.
Seeing the Positive
I enjoyed the space afforded by such a large home. When I needed to get away from “the crowd” I could retreat to a number of places on the property. I spent a few afternoons reading a book by the pool enjoying the sunset.
At night I would head up to the rooftop patio and lounge in the jacuzzi and bask in the beautiful Southern California nights. When it came time for us to leave, we were sad to go. It really was a gorgeous property and I enjoyed every ounce of it, once I shifted my thinking about it.
Being an effective leader of people often works the same way. It’s so easy to be caught up the negatives of our daily lives, isn’t it? Your boss has called stressing about your numbers; the department is running behind projections; your kids are sick and you can't reach a baby sitter; you ran out of money before running out of month; the car won't start; your dreams seem so far out of reach and on and on and on.
It's 10 am and you already want to end your day...what are you going to do? Your people are filing in to meet with you Which path do you choose?
What Can You Do?
If you’re used to thinking in primarily negative terms you’re not going to change those patterns overnight. I struggle with being more critical of things and people than I should be, so if this is your challenge too, believe me when I tell you I understand!
Yet as a leader your ability to cast a positive vision, even in the midst of the (many) storms that multifamily can bring, is so important to your overall success.
You can start with (seemingly) small things:
I once read that people need at least five positive experiences to overcome one negative experience. Help yourself and the people around you find those positive experiences!
Seeing the Positive
I enjoyed the space afforded by such a large home. When I needed to get away from “the crowd” I could retreat to a number of places on the property. I spent a few afternoons reading a book by the pool enjoying the sunset.
At night I would head up to the rooftop patio and lounge in the jacuzzi and bask in the beautiful Southern California nights. When it came time for us to leave, we were sad to go. It really was a gorgeous property and I enjoyed every ounce of it, once I shifted my thinking about it.
Being an effective leader of people often works the same way. It’s so easy to be caught up the negatives of our daily lives, isn’t it? Your boss has called stressing about your numbers; the department is running behind projections; your kids are sick and you can't reach a baby sitter; you ran out of money before running out of month; the car won't start; your dreams seem so far out of reach and on and on and on.
It's 10 am and you already want to end your day...what are you going to do? Your people are filing in to meet with you Which path do you choose?
What Can You Do?
If you’re used to thinking in primarily negative terms you’re not going to change those patterns overnight. I struggle with being more critical of things and people than I should be, so if this is your challenge too, believe me when I tell you I understand!
Yet as a leader your ability to cast a positive vision, even in the midst of the (many) storms that multifamily can bring, is so important to your overall success.
You can start with (seemingly) small things:
- Walk in the office with a smile in the morning.
- Instead of assigning blame, work on finding solutions.
- Lighten up! (I needed to embrace this one, big time!)
- Validate other points of view, even if you disagree.
- If you feel compelled to fire off a full volley of snark after hearing a comment, or after reading this post, or any other post, “hold your fire” and find something positive to say.
- Find one nice thing to say to the people you interact with daily.
- Do not vomit your struggles, challenges, vents, grips, moaning and complaining, all over the people you lead! Bring your challenges up the chain of command in your organization, but do not spread the negativity down. (Trust me, your people don't want to hear it anyway!)
- Do develop a close relationship with at least one person who you can be completely honest, open and vulnerable with, that will listen, understand and be there for you.
I once read that people need at least five positive experiences to overcome one negative experience. Help yourself and the people around you find those positive experiences!
Keywords: debbie downer, leadership, success, communication, leading positively, avoiding negative, focus on positive, positive leadership, rommel anacan, relationship difference
